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THE REV REVIEWS: No Love Lost (2.7.07)

By Reverend Rogue Six

(Disclaimer: The views expressed in the following are purely those of the columnist.)

It's the start of a new year, and in the world of MEWL, NO LOVE LOST saw the dawn of a new era....

Wilbur Whitlock kicked off the show by honoring an online promise he'd made to the fans and let them see the now-retired Justin Diaz once more, for a proper send-off. Diaz showed that he was gracious in defeat and congratulated Wilbur on his win, adding that he was going to be a man of his word and retire. Diaz cryptically added that despite all of Wilbur's schemes, he still owned Wilbur and referee Logan Scott...which immediately confounded MEWL's Redneck Wonder, so Diaz asked him if he had a MEWL contract. When Wilbur said he did, then came The Mother Of All Bombshells:

The Rainbow Warrior had purchased MEWL and was the brand-new owner! Wilbur's nemesis -- the bane of his existence these past few months -- was now his boss!

(Before I proceed any further, allow me to say this: Mr. Diaz, I bow to your greatness. This was a masterful stroke of strategic genius! I did NOT see this coming! To you , I award the Sun Tzu "Art of War" Award, for losing a battle and still winning the war. Well done, sir, well done indeed.)

Yes, folks, there was a new sheriff in town...and he was just getting warmed up.

He informed Logan "I'm not easy but I am cheap" Scott that because of his controversial actions, he was not only summarily demoted from Head Referee, but was on probation for 1 year; should he screw up in any way, shape or form, he was fired!

(Hey Tool Boy, we'll miss you when you're gone...)

As for Wilbur, his nightmare was only beginning...Diaz then shocked the crowd as he stripped Wilbur of his precious North American title, the belt he'd waged such a battle to get!
The now-vacant belt would be put on the line at LUCK OF THE DRAW on March 1st in Alliance, OH.

Wilbur had one more surprise from his new boss -- he was in a match tonight, and if he refused to wrestle or ended in anything else then a pinfall, his career in MEWL was over. And that match would be against none other then Brandon X, who made his return to MEWL this night. Wilbur reverted to habit and tried winning with a low-blow and pin, but after a quick reminder from Diaz, Logan refused to make the count. (It's true! Logan can be taught!) Wilbur shoved Logan in response, and when Logan responded in kind, Wilbur ended up getting hit by Brandon X, who immediately pinned him.

(A note to Wilbur: now that you won't be polishing that belt of yours anymore, take a moment to look up the meaning of "karma". This is what you were a victim of this night. Just a little bit of clarification for you, so you can better understand what just happened to you...)

Diaz then announced a Roster Match (where a new wrestler would have a chance to face off against an MEWL wrestler for a chance to join the roster; the choice would be up to the crowd -- I don't know about anyone else, but I liked this idea): Christian Vaughn would face off against chisled newcomer Kenny Hendrix . I'm happy to say there were two winners in this match: Vaughn, who won the match, and Hendrix, who won a spot on the MEWL roster, thanks to the cheers of the crowd.

In a #1 Contender's Match for the Cruiserweight title that needed an air traffic controller as well as a referee, Supa Lucha and Jazin Blaze took each other to a draw, both warriors being unable to answer a 10-count. It was decided that both would face Champion Jessicka Havoc in a 3-way Elimination Dance for the belt. I don't know about anyone else, but given Jazin's battles with Jessicka, I see a possible title change on the horizon...

Lones Oaks and Mike Hercum proved they were indeed fighting Tag Team Champions as they defended the belts against the -- let's just say, very unique team of Durty the Clown and Otis (insert your own jokes here).Otis nearly snapped Lones' spine with his exuberance, and then nearly passed out form running around the ring, cheering for himself.. Needless to say, the champions won the match -- and no sooner had they won, out came Kamala Jr (the offspring of WWE's Kamala the Ugandan Giant) to the ring, clearing everyone out! New music then hit, heralding the arrival of none other then One Warrior Nation, who not only cleared Kamala Jr out, but got the crowd pumped up for more.

Luis Diamante pulled every dirty trick out of the book to score a win over Johnny Gun, who seems to be changing his ways.

The force of nature that is One Warrior Nation returned to take on MEWL's resident man-mountain, Tank.  O.W.N was victorious (and wrestles so much like the Warrior it's uncanny!), but Kamala Jr. returned to exact payback on him for the earlier confrontation, taking out O.W.N with a massive top-rope splash.

You'd thnk this would have been enough, but oh no, there was still the Main Event!

Robby Starr's continuing quest for Chris Kole's MEWL Heavyweight title was nearly fulfilled this night -- until Kole managed to distract the referee and spray Starr in the face with aerosol to score the win, thus retain the title.

Overall, an outstanding show, and an excellent beginnning to the Diaz Era in MEWL.

Next up -- LUCK OF THE DRAW.

Until then, I am The Reverend Rogue Six, and thus endeth the sermon!