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THE REV REVIEWS: Luck of the Draw (3.11.08)

By Reverend Rogue Six

(Disclaimer: The views expressed in the following are purely those of the columnist.)

This night began in a bit of an odd way with Cruiserweight Champion, Jessicka Havok coming to the ring and informing Diaz that a doctor has stated she would be unable to compete due to the fact that it was "her time of the month". (Now, when I heard this, my Rogue-Senses started going off. This generally happens when I detect something hinky going on...and when I hear a woman publicly announce -- in front of a crowd, no less -- that it was her "time", well, folks, that told me there was something wrong with this. I couldn't say just what it was, but I had a feeling that I'd find out.)

Diaz replied that since Jessicka would be cleared to compete in 5 days, she will be able to defend the Cruiserweight title on March 8th in Canton, OH or she would forfeit the title!

But lest we forget, this night was dedicated to the Luck of the Draw tournament, and this year's 8 chosen competitors were Jazin Blaze, Supa Lucha, Wilbur Whitlock, Brandon X, Luis Diamante, Kenny Hendrix, Tank, & Ryan Midnight (an interesting mix all around, although Ryan Midnight, I must say, I've not heard of before).

In the 1st Round Preliminaries:

Ryan Midnight defeated Jazin Blaze when Jessicka Havok came to the ring to cause interference (Hey, now, wait a second -- didn't she say...oh well, I guess she wasn't that bad off, then...thank God for Midol).

Wilbur Whitlock defeated Lucha when Havok's music played and Lucha ignored Wilbur to watch for Havok. (Ah, Lucha, c'mon...you know better...)

Brandon X defeated Luis Diamante

Chris Kole then decided to grace the crowd with his presence and interupted the tournament to announce that since he had not found a worthy opponent to challenge him tonight, he was going home. Diaz suggested that if he wanted a match, why, he could take on Lones Oaks...or hey, how about trying Robby Starr -- again?

Kole's answer? We'll find out after intermission.

After Tank defeated Kenny Hendrix, the 4-Way Elimination match for the North American championship was set; it would be Wilbur vs Ryan Midnight vs Brandon X vs Tank (okay, there's an eclectic mix for you).

Jebediah defeated Johnny Gun when Havok hit Gun with her title belt. They both started beating on Gun, but in came Lucha and Blaze to make the save.

(Hmmm...for someone who isn't medically able to compete, is it me, or is Jessicka being awfully active?)

Kole came back out to the ring because he's made his decision. Since he's not required to put his title on the line tonight, it'll be a non-title match, and he's chosen an opponent. He began to really build up the talent, athleticism, and good looks of his competition. The crowd thought it was Starr -- but surprise! It's none other than Durty the Clown ! While Kole was basically beating the greasepaint off of Durty, Robby Starr crept up behind Kole and hit the "Starrstruck" on him while the ref was on the floor checking on a possibly-injured Durty. But suddenly Durty rallied, rolled in and scored the victory!

An exasperated Diaz came out and told Starr & Kole that he'd finally had his fill of their crap and that he'd come up with a way to settle things once and for all: on April 5th, in Alliance, it will be Robby Starr vs. Chris Kole for the MEWL Heavyweight Title -- in a cage match!

Christian Vaughn came to the ring and started into a tirade about the fans' apparent lack of respect for him, and if they don't start giving him the respect he deserves, well, then he doesn't need them. Down to the ring came Matt Mason, who told Vaughn that he has potential, but that he's nothing but a cry baby. Christian needed to just shut up and remember that without the great fans, he wouldn't even be able to lace his boots up to compete. Vaughn replied by attacking Mason from behind. Mason hit his Superkick for the victory, but something tells me this isn't over by a long shot.

The Main Event -- the 4-Way Elimination Match for the North American belt -- turned out to be a hilarious exchange with everyone getting a pin attempt -- and did my eyes deceive me, or did the referee even get pinned? (Hey, I didn't know he was eligible...) Tank was pinned by the other three combatants, and was out first. Then Wilbur took a tumble to the outside and landed on the wooden steps knee first. (OUCH!) While he was getting assistance on the floor for his injured knee, Brandon X eliminated Ryan Midnight -- but Midnight made Brandon X pay for it by giving him an added beating in the ring. When Midnight left Brandon unconscious in the ring and walked past Wilbur, Wilbur asked if Midnight was out.(oh oh, Rogue senses going off again...something's up)He was told "yes", then miracle of miracles, Wilbur's injuries were miraculously healed! (I knew it! I hate it when I'm right!)He turned and ran back to the ring to get the pinfall victory over Brandon X -- and with that (God, this kills me to say it, but I am nothing if not objective...), we have a NEW North American Champion...and it's (coughhackcough)Wilbur Whitlock!

As Forrest Gump once said, "MEWL shows are like a box of chocolates...you never know what you're gonna get...

With that, I am the Reverend Rogue Six, and thus endeth the sermon!