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THE REV REVIEWS: Betrayed (4.6.08)

By Reverend Rogue Six

(Disclaimer: The views expressed in the following are purely those of the columnist.)

My grandfather -- the Ol' Rogue -- once taught me, when I was a young Rogue, that there are always two things that are dead certain in life: death and taxes.

But after what transpired at MEWL's BETRAYED, I think we might need to add a third: that you'll never see what's coming at an MEWL show.

The night begin with MEWL's "Innovator of Offense" Jazin Blaze coming to the ring and announcing that he had been injured in a car accident and would be unable to compete tonight. (Crap...I'm still waiting for Blaze to get an even break -- and I'm not talking injuries here...) Diaz came to the ring and said that even with this piece of news, Jessicka would still be facing Lucha for the belt. Jazin adds that he would be in Lucha's corner to make sure Havok & Jebediah can't cheat to win -- again.

The opening match featured Ryan Midnight facing off with Jebediah. This was a solid back & forth match, but of course, where you have Jebediah, Jessicka's bound to appear -- and sure as God made little green apples (and Logan Scott's a tool), she did. The 2-on-1 attack was too much for Midnight to overcome, and the Evil Amish Warrior got the win.

Chiyudo Ropa took on Durty the Clown, who got the bright idea to challenge Ropa to a Martial Arts contest (WHAT?). This ended up with Durty being taken to the mat and seriously pummeled. The Clown nearly got his greasepaint knocked off as he was KO'd with a SICK kick to the face in the corner; when Ropa went for another, Durty passed out and fell to the floor -- which caused Ropa to smash face first into the ring post. Ropa fell to the floor, only to have the KO'd Durty fall on top of him for the win. (Good lord -- talk about falling in the outhouse and coming out with a new suit...only Durty...)

Jeff Cannon came to the ring & talked about the fans wanting him back in MEWL.(Really? Who told him? I didn't.) He was just a little disgusted with all the hype about returning stars like Brandon X & especially Matt Mason while he,"the greatest MEWL Heavyweight Champion", was forced to sit at home and watch. (Hey, he doesn't have to sit at home and watch, he could buy a ticket...) Down to the ring came Matt Mason, who apparently had heard enough of Cannon's bellyaching and challenged Big Guns to a match. But before anything could get started, security had to first separate a couple fans and the insulting Jeff Cannon. The match that then ensued went all over the arena; in the end, Cannon hit Mason with a chair and got DQ'd, giving the win to Mason.

Once the smoke cleared, it was time for the Cruiserweight title match. Lucha used his speed to try and negate Jessicka's strength advantage. Jebediah (like I said, where you have one of these two, you'll have the other...) tried to get involved, only to take a kick in the face from Lucha. Jebediah then distracted the ref, while Havok started tearing at Lucha's eyes. She made a critical error that allowed Lucha to take her down and go for the pin. Lucha's "insurance policy" Jazin stopped Jebediah from breaking up the pin count -- and with a 1-2-3, we have a NEW MEWL Cruiserweight Champion-- and his name is Supa Lucha!!

Diaz came to the ring and announced that Lones Oaks & Mike Hercum would be unable to defend the MEWL Tag Team Championship, apparently due to Lones having some health issues. Thus, the titles would be have to be vacated, and a 4 Corners Tag Match on May 10th would be held to decide the new Tag Team Champions; Hercum was told that if he found a partner, he would be guaranteed a spot in that match (well, that's only fair) and since Diaz promised a 3-way Match to the fans at Betrayed, they would get one, with Hercum being one of the contestants.

MEWL Heavyweight Champion "Killer" Chris Kole then came to the ring to tell Diaz that he cannot compete in a Steel Cage match as he has a Doctor's excuse.(Okay, this is going to be good...) Kole is apparently allergic to steel (Again, I ask - -WHAT?);any contact with it causes massive swelling to his body. (Insert your own joke here, folks). Diaz proceeded to give Kole a few insane match options to take the place of the Cage Match, then finally revealed that the doctor's note was a fake and that Kole will indeed face Robby Starr in the cage -- with Diaz as the special guest referee! (Wow, talk about messing with the bull and getting the horns...okay, maybe not the best choice of metaphors, but you get the idea...)

We had another championship match on deck, with Brandon X taking on MEWL's Redneck Wonder, Wilbur Whitlock for the N.A. Championship. This was a good and steady match, with the balanc of power going back and forth -- and when the bell rang, we had a NEW N.A. Champion: Brandon X!

Here's where things started to take a very surprising turn: following the match, in lieu of his standard tantrum, Wilbur called out Diaz to demand he sign a N.A. title rematch. Diaz offered Wilbur a deal that Satan himself would have approved of -- if Wilbur wanted a Title Shot next month, all he had to do was give Diaz something in return (HEY! HEY! Get your mind out of the gutter!) -- he just had to tear up the contract that forced Diaz to retire from wrestling. Wilbur readily agreed and tore up the contract, ending Diaz's early retirement.
Diaz then dropped a bomb on Wilbur: he would need to find a new friend...as he will be competing in the 4 Corners Tag Match on May 10th and NOT for the N.A. Title as he expected. Justin Diaz will be back in action NEXT MONTH!!

I'm giving this my "Be careful what you ask for" award -- this was BEAUTIFUL! And it couldn't have happened to a more-deserving redneck! (Diaz, my hat's off to you once more -- well-played, sir, well-played indeed!)

This had been a helluva night -- and we still weren't done!

It was time for the main event -- the Heavyweight Championship match - and the cage. Kole tried to escape the cage several times, but since this cage match only has a winner with pinfall or submission, they were locked inside. Both eventually end up wearing crimson masks (a nod to Gordon Solie). Starr hit Kole with the Starrstruck, and then went to the top of the cage. Kole got to his feet just as Starr leapt -- and he pulled Diaz in front of him as they both get crushed by the plummeting Starr. (I could have said "falling", but that would have been really cliche, folks...)Diaz was out cold, and oh good lord, here she comes again -- Jessicka Havok came running to the ring to take out referee Keith Smith. She then slipped a chair into the ring for Kole, who promptly laid out Starr and woke up Diaz, who made the count: 1-2-thr-..hold the phone -- ROBBY GOT A SHOULDER UP!!! It's a whole new ballgame! The next thing you know, Robby took Kole to the mat and made a cover -- a 1-2-3 and we have a NEW MEWL Heavyweight Champion: Robby Starr.

After the match, Kole took the mic to apologize. He said that holding the title consumed him, but Robby Starr deserved to be the Champion and that Kole respected him. (Wow, now that was surprising...) He then handed the title to Robby, with applause from the crowd. (Okay, this is going a little too well...)Kole then turned to Diaz and apologized for his actions. They shook hands and started to exit the cage.(Something's coming, I can feel it...) Kole then kicked the ring ropes and cut Diaz off as he was going out the door! (I KNEW IT!) Kole got Havok to lock the cage and then proceeded to beat up Diaz. Starr finally made it back into the ring to chase off Kole and help Diaz to his feet!

Three title chances in one night -- plus the ignition of a brand new feud...like I said, there are certain things you can count on in life: death, taxes, and never seeing what's coming when you're at an MEWL show!

Until next time, I'm the Reverend Rogue Six, and thus endeth the sermon!